Ask

The one question that newly married couple several hours discussing:

When is the right time to have children?

Over the years and changing generations I have come across many opinions. Most of them can be divided into two categories:

1. Tawaqqal - Let Allah decide for you, no need for any planning. Accept when he gives.

2. Enjoy your newly married life for some time before adding another responsibility.

I wonder what are the opinions out there about the issue?

Married couples can share their points and concerns for the benefit of the newly married or those about to embark on marriage.

those who have studied islamic law can also let us know what islam says about the matter

According to my knowledge,the right time depends on the agreement btn both the spouses keeping in mind that though begetting children isnt compulsory, but once you beget them then giving them good upbringing becomes compulsory, and parents will be answerable to God regarding this duty . Keeping this in mind, both the spouses, should prepare themselves mentally and spiritually before they decide to beget children.

I had read in different health articles, that if the mother conceives while she is below age of 30 then her offsprings will be more healthier then those women who concieve after age of 30. The same is with the father,young fathers healthier kids and vice versa. So now we can realise one of the many benefits of early marriage which Islam emphasised from the beginning ,but we turned a deaf ear towards it, trying to imitate the west.

Being a mother myself, I would like to advice all the young mothers to be, that its better to have kids when one is young in age, as thats the time when one is full of energy and ready to shoulder this great responsibilty but as one becomes older its very difficult and one tends to neglect the responsibilities related to kids upbringing and throw them on servants,neglecting them e.t.c .We can see this happening around us all the time.

I always hear mothers saying ''God has put heaven beneath mothers feet'', and thinking that giving birth entitles them to this position. We tend to forget that we have to make great efforts and then leave the results on Allah [ we wont be asked about the results as that is not in our hands, but we will be questioned regarding our efforts] we have to prove overselves worthy for that position, by giving good Islamic upbringing to our kids, and believe me this isnt few days or few months or few years job. It is the worlds greatest and toughest job {esp in this era of immorality}, in which each and every second counts. Of course without Allah’s help nothing is possible, and as we know Allah helps only those who help themselves, so we have to do our level best and at the same time pray to God for support and help.

Holy Quran : 3:38 There did Zakariya pray to his Lord; he said: My Lord! grant me from Thee good offspring; surely Thou art the Hearer of prayer.

For those interested, below is the link to one of enlightening Islamic book on '' upbringing of children.''
http://www.al-islam.org/upbringing/

A very important topic I must say.

From observation, in Khoja jamaats the trend seems to be indicating that couples are delaying having children.

It also seems many couples who may want children cannot conceive.

It would be great to have personal insights of parents who have had children early and late and pros and cons that they experienced in each situation.

Heard recently in majlis that those who dont have children [cant conceive], should recite regularly and as much as possible ''sura of Kawthar'' and if God wishes they will be blessed with child.

I really appreciated Sister Rehana's points. Looking forward to some more insights from the scholarly members of Ask regarding what Islam has to say about when to have children.

However, it is an interesting topic for discussion, seeing how the trends have been changing over the years and generations. I believe the older generation used to think "have kids as soon as possible, you never know what lies ahead". While the current generation is all for getting to know one another after marriage, enjoying the free life a bit before getting down to tackling the responsibility of parenthood.

The older generation also thinks that having a child actually strengthens the bond between man and wife, and perhaps you have lesser "free time" with one another, but you are now spending quality time as a family, and the bond is stronger. On the other hand, marriage itself is a big adjustment to both man and wife, more so the wife. Which is perhaps why most couples these days wait it out to settle a bit in their new life, before introducing another life into theirs.

And again since the woman has to do more of the adjustments, Allah (SWT) in His infinite wisdom has given her the right to choose when to become a mother, so that she is emotionally and mentally prepared to take on the enormous role of motherhood.

Tawakkal in Allah therefore should be there in either case mentioned in the initial post, because He is the best Planner. So if a couple is not yet ready to have a child, they should also keep in mind that deciding not to have a child yet should be Khayr for them, and if Allah wills it otherwise, they would be happy with it. Similarly, for those planning for children, the same thought should be present in their minds.


I came across this Hadith of Imam Ali (a.s) from Nahjul Balagha, which has really intrigued me and I am still contemplating on it; "One of the conveniences in life is to have less children".

I really havent answered the big question of this thread, but well, just a few cents shared