Discuss & Debate | Share | Learn

[*Fatemah*]

salaamz everyone...welll i jus wanted to ask when us teenagers have a problem (and im talkin in general) and we decide to talk to our parents about it they normally freak out!and when we want to discuss stuff like you know.... ...teen love n stuff...they try to avoid the topic in every way possible....how can we convince them tht we aren't babies and we want to discuss this in the house so that we knoow wht kind of vices there are out there... :?

(PS this is a general problem of my friends too...HELP ME/US!!)

fATEMAH.

[Tayyaba]

You may just need help relating to your parents or you may need to talk to them about something difficult. Either way.

Here's How:
1. Find a time that you and your parents can be comfortable and relaxed together.

2. Make sure no one is focusing on something else while you're together (paying bills, playing Playstation, making dinner, watching TV).

3. These first two steps might take some effort and patience. Be persistent!

4. If you just want to shoot the breeze, try to bring up something they're interested in. Ask them questions about their day (they love this!).

5. If you have something specific you want to talk about, let them know what it is.

6. If they react to what you tell them, listen to them. Don't react back!

7. Let them finish and don't interrupt. Ask them to do the same for you.

8. When you feel like you've told them what you wanted to, thank them for listening.

9. If you feel like there are still things that need to be talked about, set up a time with them to talk about it another day.

Tips:
Show them respect by focusing your attention on the conversation, looking them in the eyes, and by not being sarcastic or rolling your eyes.
Be honest. Honesty builds trust. And life is good when your parents trust you.
Stay cool. If you can stay calm if things get heated up, you're showing them maturity.

[*Fatemah*]

thnx Tayy...will you come and help me with it....lol..im jokin....ill tell my palz about it and we will try it....if anithin goes wrong....we will come get you okay....lol...but then again....its worth a shot!!!...ill be in contact but i will appreciate more ways of realting to our parents....if everyone can help...thnx again tayyaba...
fATEMAH.

[Tanveer]

WAY TO GO TAYYABA!!
did u get all that from a book....????I t is very well presented and you are absolutely RIGHT about it....Try it out...Fatemah....it works...it really does.If they are persistent and no matter what,they dont want to listen then you have to put your foot down and tell them....I GOT TO TALK TO YOU AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME...WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT...." THIS IS WHAT SYED HAYDER HAD SAID.....mind you....do that only when they are persistent and DONT WANT to listen to your PROBLEMS....ok? Good Luck! It will work...It always does...you just have to take the initiative....They definitely love you and care about you and will not want you to go wrong...so if you tell them you want to talk....they will want to listen to what you have to say.....

[*Fatemah*]

yea well we toked about it(i.e.me n my friends) and we have decided tht we are goin to try it out!!!if it don work we wont give up...we are just very nervous...and dont know how to articulate properly what to say...but we are stilll workin on it..I CAN'T BELIVE IM SHY OF MY PARENTS!!!! ...well unfortunately sayed haider wasnt here long enough but he left us with alot of 'GUIDELINES'....Ill keep fab and tayyaba posted on how it went....shall i pm u both???....experiences like this shouldnt go public u know lol...ill keep you posted....n thnx again FAB..

fATEMAH.

[abuali]

I agree that many, if not all youths, face this problem.

I believe this is more of 'pseudo-problem' rather than a real 'problem'. Parents and children both go through many thoughts when it comes to talking to each other.

Children usually think about what their parents will say or think if they know the problem...and this thought stops them in their track.

Parents usually get worried when they realise that their child might have a serious problem...

However, as FAB mentioned, I am pretty sure that Parents would want to help in every way possible, if only they understand that you really want them to know about the problem and their help in coming to a solution.

Tayyaba has put it very nicely in steps....

I will just add my few cents to it...

It is usually easier to talk to the parent you are more comfortable talking to...AS A FRIEND. I would recommend that you approach the mother, as a friend...tell her you need her opinion on something very important...be serious...and have a heart to heart with her...it will be easier then for both you and your mother to then sit down and discuss it further with the father.

Always remember....parents love their children...maybe they may get mad...because they like all parents thought my child does not have problems...but give them time....and all parents would definitely call you back and start discussing with you about the problem heart to heart once the initial shock has passed away (Hopefully the problem wont shock them at all)

All the best.

[Umm.aly]

I agree with Hasin on the fact that sometimes we youths have a preconceived notion that our approach to our parents will be rejected, thus we retreat away from our parents. And many a times, we end up seeking advice from other people, who may not be the right poeple to advice you.
Sometimes when we tell our parents something, initially their response may be NO! (m talking from experience!! :) ) but after a while, probably they think it over, and perhaps may concede.
So I feel that, whenever you want to talk to them, give them time to think over whatever it is that you have said. Dont expect an immediate response, and dont push them too much, they may feel pressurised and thus you may not get the response that you hope to get..

[*Fatemah*]

well...well....well...i guess i got enough options to choose from dont i??...lol...well i would like to thankyou all for helpin me with this...and now i am both anxious and determined to try this!...though i m still a bit nervous...but i guess tht always happens anyway ill post my experience and let you people know okay???...and i wont pm bcoz many teenagers like me r goin through the same problem and im sure they would also like to know how to deal with it!....thnx alot u guys...!!!!

w/s..fATEMAH.

[knowledgeseeker]

we youths have a preconceived notion that our approach to our parents will be rejected, thus we retreat away from our parents. And many a times, we end up seeking advice from other people, who may not be the right poeple to advice you.
Sometimes when we tell our parents something, initially their response may be NO! (m talking from experience!! :) ) but after a while, probably they think it over, and perhaps may concede.
So I feel that, whenever you want to talk to them, give them time to think over whatever it is that you have said. Dont expect an immediate response, and dont push them too much, they may feel pressurised and thus you may not get the response that you hope to get..

We know that we will be rejected coz it is wrong (many a times). If we talk to our parents n voice ourselves out, our life wil be alot easier... If we sit and talk to our parents on daily basis, and discuss with the m our school life(if v r going to school). Trust them with our probleums n listen when they reply and follow their advice. In the long run, they r always right (m speaking from experience)..N i m always glad that i listen.. U Should try it too....
Wasalaam..