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[eternal-jihad]

You're speaking about age etc but I think that the bigger problem is the cultural gap for western convert...

wa salaam

[abuali]

I didnt exactly understand what you meant by

the bigger problem is the cultural gap for western convert...

Please elaborate.....

[eternal-jihad]

yeah it is quite hard for western convert to get married because sometimes the gap between the culture is a problem and it is a shame cause Islam is universal and not limited to some traditions/cultures.

wa salaam

take care

[Yas]

It is quite true, and perhaps ironic to see that our communities marry within the community and culture. Then again there are plenty of advantages including better understanding and generally better socio-cultural relationship between the couple. I do realize what you mean by the gap in the west, which can mainy be blamed upon the cultural influence and all. Kind of ties in with Sheikh Abbas Jaffer's thingy on religious pluralism which he delivered at stanmore on b. Fatemah's bday night if im not mistaken.
Anyway... true.. it is sad. Not really much we can do about it though, unless other cultures that embrace Islam tune themselves into a common frequency - common grounds between us and them; no doubt we too have to change if we want to embrace multicultural marriages within Islam. Though personally, the likelihood of such a thing I guess is far from happenin. Personally, I wouldnt be too hasty about it either...

Tc.

[abuali]

I am not in a position to comment about the difficulty faced by converts as far as marriage is concerned. This is because I havent come across many converts or the problems they face when trying to marry.

I can imagine though that there would be some difficulty. However, there are several difficulties that converts face when they convert. SOme of them are their societies shunning them and social problems.

I feel however that even though there are those who do not wish to marry outside their culture (I think they have every right to do so...as that does not necessarily mean that they are against the concept of Islam being for all), there are so many other Muslims who are ready for marriages outside their cultures.

Islam is a way of life...and would bring two people together to one way of life. The social constraints are there...but I feel that they are not permanent and can be overcome. (Maybe not by all, but atleast some).

Correct me if I am wrong, I think there are several Muslims living in the west today, and many are converts...and they are marrying among each other.

[Muntazir]

What is Marriage on the first place? As far as i know its not a Play Station Game where you can start when you want or feel like, play with cheats so as to survive and having an aim to end it as soon as you can so that you can start a new one. Marriage is based on Trust, honesty, hard working and understanding! Its not something you should take it easily, and so i think the best age for getting married is not 9,15,16,20,22,25 or 30! The best age for getting married is when you know its the right time to! Dont get married if you dont know anything about Marriage or its main charecteristics. Understand how marriage works and ask your self if you're ready for it and if you can spend the rest of your life with one person and share the world.
In Islam we say that marriage is wajib, i totally agree with it but on the other hand if you think you wouldn't be able to last long in such relationship and end up stuck on the roof like a hook than its better you do not get married at all until you find it safe. And another thing, girls should have the same rights a man has in Education wise. Never know if your relationship will last right? And if it did not than you know that you can still be independant and not dependant right? So think twice the number of days your parents give you to think because its the matter of your life and you deserve it. Be sure that you're happy in any decision you're going to make.

[abuali]

I absolutely agree with you...Marriage is a decision that carries with it great responsibility...

The problem however is, in todays world...at what age does a man or woman...according to your opinion...become mentally ready for marriage and its responsibilities?

From my point of view...life today is such that people want to pospone marriage as much as they can...however what I fear is that the reasons for doing so are all the wrong reasons. And unfortunately some of those who actually do marry early...may not have thought of it too deeply...

We are in a vicious circle....if one does not marry eary...its harder for him to avoid sins...if one does...is he ready for it?

[Nayaab]

yep these days it is difficult to know whether people actually ever mature in their lifetimes. Just to say that if people dont really know what they are getting themselves into when getting married, they shouldnt! Because they will end up spoiling their lives, and not only theirs, but their families. And as we all know, it takes just ONE mistake for a girl and she's gone. I think people get a lot more matured after education (way to go for education for women!!) Its just that the number of people actually striving for education these days is ridiculously low compared to what it should be! From personal experience, education and being on your own and having to fend for yourself is the key to maturity.

[º§ãmihåº]

Salaams..

well i think 4 a guy its very impo 2 judge when he is ready 2 accept a responsibility as huge as marriage..he is not mor alone.. he has 2 provide 4 his wife too.. and inshallah plan for a family too..

mny ppl just get lost in this thought.. and hence the right age passes away..

a person came to Prophet Muhammed (s.a.w) n sed that he was in deep crisis n had no money to eat or house to sleep in .. the prophet adviced him 2 get married.. without questioning they did as he was adviced.. n sure enough his fortunes changed..

de say --> "Biwi apna rizq khudh laikar aati hai" ( a wife brings good fortune with her)

Believe in Allah !

Wasalam..

[abuali]

Alaykum Salaam Samiha

I agree with you and Nayaab. Both of you have raised very valid points.

It definitely takes only one mistake...and therefore its very important to be ready for marriage before plunging into it.

However, I also feel that one can never be 'completely' ready for marriage. I mean, the best one can do, is educate himself/herself about marriage and with all the facts about marriage...the commitments, pleasures, responsibility and so on...but even after knowing all these...there would still be that element of 'not-knowing' what is ahead.

Plus, if we do advocate that one should not marry unless he/she is totally sure that they know what they are getting into...as you mentioned Nayaab, some people, according to the above advice may not be ready for it for a long time (maybe even until they are in their 30's). This would create another problem for them which may take them into haraam acts.

I feel that the best solution is to try and educate ourselves about marriage...everything about it....from a relatively early age (immediately after physical maturity)...so that we get ready for marriage at an early age....

[Muntazir]

Wel its true wht Samiha said about Barkah after marriage but tht was in the old days, there wer diff ppl at tht time thn now! Rite now the world has changed, things r diff, if u go marry some1 thinking tht things wil get better for u n for ur family thn ur not thinking right! These days u need education upto Uni, work hard so as to survive, whn u get married, u need to take care of the family, bills, tax and soo much more, back in the old days, there we're no such things as tax if am not mistaken but now there is so its not easy.. The only thing u need to take care is how ur gonna survive, hw r u gona manage living as a married life n educate ur children! Tht's more important! If today u don have a shilling, thn hw do u expect to marry someone and think ur gonna get barkah and things wil get as perfect u want? No, it doesn't work like tht.. Work hard, strugle, earn n praise to god and thn i can say if u get married, ul get barkah.. These days the ways of living is totally different, n tht's y v really need to take care..
If today ur rich, like really rich and u knw u can afford anything and its time to get married, wud u get married or not? Obviouslly yes ! Right? Its bcuz u knw u can live a happy life with ur family, educate ur childen n stuff. But for those who r poor? They need to t.c, if u knw u can survive, have enough money to feed ur self n ur family n as wel educate ur childen thn its fine so far but if u think u cant, thn i don advice u shud get married til the day ur ready for it.. I agree tht sumtyms marriages don last long but there are reasons behind tht which v mite talk on another topic..
Marriage is a great responsibility! Ppl get married for different reasons not all of them have the same!

[abuali]

I am posting the following Q&A which I feel will give us some perspective.

The following Question was answered by Sayid Hassan Al-Qazwini

Question :
Is marriage in Islam Wajib? What is the reward of getting married?

Answer:
Marriage is not wajib in Islam but it is highly recommended. Prophet Mohammad has said:
"The person who gets married fulfills half of his/her religion"
He has also said:
"Whoever loves to follow my traditions, then marriage is from my traditions"
Imam Al-Sadiq has said:
"A prayer offered from a married person is worth 70 times more than a prayer offered from a single"

However, if the person fears that if he/she does not get married they will commit fornication or any other sexual related sins, then marriage becomes wajib on that person.

---------end of answer----------------

[º§ãmihåº]

salaams once again.
well its true dat one shud acquire knowledge b4 gettn married..marriage is surly not a game...but i don think dat early marriages are bad as far as u got sumthn in hand which u can provid 2ur family.

getting married doesnt mean u move out right away, but yea btn 23-27 when you know wat u are going to do and you are on your way to becoming wat you set out to be i think its not a bad idea to get married.

hmm, besides when you are married you have dat extra sense of security and you have someone to motivate you and a best friend that is always there for you through yur ups and downs, i think it gives u more time to grow together while you both are establishing yurselves.

btn 23-27 is perfect. it does give you a chance to grow together, and have moral support.

wasalam.

[Keep Smiling]

Are you really ready for marriage because ur really rich and can afford to take care of ur wife and educate ur children??
Okay fine you get married but what about ur education??if ur not educated then u will definately have trouble raising children..

i agree with what samiha says but nowadays i see people want to get ahead with their studies and then think about getting married but at the back of their minds they so would be wanting to be married to be sharing their life with someone..what do u think??

Marriage between 20-25 for boys and 19-23 for girls is good!! they are young, educated, energetic & full of life...they are also ready to start a family and hence there wont be much gap between the parents and the children. Am i right?

Okay something that sheikh said last night which i found interesting...
Now that we know somehow there obviously ARE communications between boys and girls whether secretly or not...i am not going to comment anything on that but lets say in some way of all the girls you're talking to ther is one who you get along with perfectly...you have so much in common, your thoughts match, everyhting sounds perfect..now you both feel good talking with each other..and you feel that okay she is the one i want to get married to..Would this mean that ur makin the right choice?
if yes, then Is this a better way to look for a spouse or the arranged kind is better?

Hasin, this is for u! Now that we already passed the stage of choosing a spouse and got engaged...dont you think we should have a main topic for those engaged couples too because that is the period where they get to know each other well, right???

[Sajida]

Keep smiling Salaams
Well i think arranged marriage or the other one depends on your situation,if you get a proposal and you do like the guy and you are ready to get married that's a different issue,but as the sheikh mentioned last night ok you see a guy in your university,you get to know each other,and he comes and tells you i love u,would that just be it??You ask why he loves u??How did he love u?just by talking he says he loves you would not be a viable statement,ask him why and all the questions that arise in your head,what say?I personally dont think that would be a problem if you talk to your parents about it,and you dont do anythin haraam it shud be orite,even if you r young so what?dont u have feelings as well?emotions?instead of indulging in haraam its better to atleast get engaged and be in mutah,even if the guy is studying,rome wasnt built in a day,the guy is studying,he would build his career he cant do it in a day,i agree education is important,but he cant get it all in one day,it will take time till he earns n all,but muntazir said all that is imporant,yes it is,but if the parents r ready to support the girl and the guy for education,do you find anything rong in that?Yes its a life time committment,and you shud know u r giving yrself wholly to that one person,but instead of indulging into haraam dont u think thts better,and that the parents should be understanding too?
Feel free for any comment.